Do We REALLY Need to Say That

As a professional voice talent who specializes in voicing all manner of telephone applications—and as someone who’s done it for awhile—I can confess to some of it being quite formulaic. Basically, what everyone wants is a warm greeting for their callers, simple instructions as to which department people should shuffle their calls, and perhaps a courteous after-hours greeting explaining when people can call back and start the whole process again.

It becomes clear to me, though, that there are commonly heard aspects to automated phone systems that people hear all the time. Because they’re so familiar and widely heard, people are convinced they’re necessary in their systems, even when they just don’t make sense. Maybe they did at one time, but I’ve composed a list of things that I’m repeatedly asked to voice but strike me as redundant and could probably be purged from phone trees forever.

1. “Please leave your name, number, and a brief message….” Is anyone unclear about what sort of information we should leave on a voicemail system? Has anyone not known what to leave in a message, and in a panic, recorded: “…so, if you could get back to me about that, it would be great. My shoe size is 8 and a half, my favorite Jello flavor is lime, and my address is 10 Main Street. Thanks!” I think we all know what data is preferred in that context. And asking for “a brief message”  can be seen as a veritable invitation for people to ramble.

2. “To end this call, please hang up.” Watch any child playing with a toy phone and even he knows what to do when he’s finished talking. He doesn’t need to be told, and neither do your callers.

3. “Our Web site is: www….” I’m going to play the “Caller is Smarter Than You Think” card, and send this out: I think we all know by now that most Web domains start with www. It’s taken for granted that if you’re talking about a Web site, most begin with www. Unless your Web address has a different log-in protocol,  you’re safe in just writing “Visit our Web site at angrysquirrel.com for a full listing of our prices and services.” It flows better and reduces time kept on the phone.

4. “We Are Experiencing a Higher-than-Normal Call Volume..” So, if I’d called 10 minutes earlier, I would have gotten straight through to the CEO? I don’t believe it. Especially when you encounter the message during off hours. Most times when I’m asked to record that phrase, it’s a part of the company’s main IVR greeting; it’s not swapped in during the busy times and swapped out for a “Normal Call Volume” message at other times. I maintain  it’s a device to make the company seem bigger; to make callers feel grateful that they ever got through at all, and to make them more tolerant of your time on hold. (Plus, writing “We’re short of call center staff” doesn’t exactly inspire confidence.)

5. “Please listen carefully, as our options have recently changed…” Chances are, if your callers have called in on a regular basis, they’re probably pretty safe  simply pressing the extensions they’re accustomed to, even if there are minor tweaks to the voicemail (and those are usually due to staff changes; it’s unusual for entire departments to have their extensions completely re-assigned.)

I think it’s possible to design a phone system that  gets the job done—one that welcomes, sorts, informs, and thanks callers—and have it written in such a way that it reads conversationally, and can therefore be read in a natural, candid way that avoids formulas and cliches.