If the latest issue of Speech Technology hadn’t already gone to press, you might see me running through the labyrinth that is Speech Tech HQ, whilst shouting “Stop The Presses” as a crowd of sooty-faced newsboys stared at me with awe, respect and the deepest admiration.

“What’s he doing?” one would say.

“Haven’t you heard?” another would reply. “He just broke the Squawkers McCaw story wide open!”

And then, in the jubilation and drunken ecstasy that would naturally follow, the presses would grind to a halt, the magazine would be rewritten, and the world would learn of Squawkers McCaw: the new FurReal Friend Talking Animatronics Parrot from Hasbro.

That’s Right Speech-Heads: A Voice-Recognition Powered Toy Parrot.

According to Toysunder.com, Squawkers is a sassy, startlingly realistic, plush–plumed parrot that can speak more than forty-five words, phrases and sound effects—-including his signature “Squawk, Squawk, Squawk” Song and Dance.

From the site: “By teaching additional words and phrases, you can even ‘train’ Squawkers to talk back to you, just like a real parrot. Be sure you have [his] cracker on hand when he gets hungry otherwise you’ll hear about it.”

Squawkers comes with the aforementioned toy cracker, a remote control, a perch, and “with his advanced voice recognition system, can talk in a funny, squawky voice and repeat what your child says, just like an actual parrot.”

And Squawkers doesn’t stop there. He has a host of other speech features and makes a fine companion.

I should know. When my girlfriend went away to “visit family” for the Holidays, I found comfort in Squawkers velveteen plumage and the gentle robotic coo of his voice. Many a night, he and I would sit by the fire, swapping stories and sipping mulled wine.  Ah, memories …

Squawkers McCaw is available here at Amazon.com for $81.99.