Nuance has announced the results of its “I Speak Dragon” contest, Speech Heads—a contest aimed at asking Dragon users to tell the company how the software has successfully impacted their lives. The awards were given in five categories: educational, personal, social, professional, and legal.

The winners Mike Fejes, a public school teacher; Bob Bieber, a sufferer of rheumatoid arthritis; Ronald W. Banks a psychologist; Shirley Bowman, an alternate media specialist; and attorney Judy Chorlog don’t, as you can plainly see, include me or my brother Adam B.

Adam has taken it particularly hard. He is totally unresponsive to our pleas. He’s just repeatedly slamming his head into the desk.

A Nuance spokesperson has tried to soothe us by telling us that there were nearly 1,000 entries this year from across the company’s customer base, but Adam is inconsolable.

“How could I have made better, more life changing, more positive. use of Dragon? Just tell me! How?” he rages at no one in particular. Our editor has been all choked up himself. He can’t even meet Adam’s eyes when he walks past our desks on his way to the water cooler.

To find out how Adam could have used Dragon better himself, check out the winners from Nuance.

Speech Heads, if you haven’t caught wind of this, since May 15th Nuance Communications has been running its “I Speak Dragon” contest.

The contest calls for users to share their experiences using Dragon NaturallySpeaking in one of five categories: professional, personal, education, field services, and legal. The winner of the contest could get a spankin’ new Kindle2 reader (with its increasingly limited access TTS—-though expertly provided by Nuance nevertheless) and FREE DRAGON NATURALLYSPEAKING UPGRADES FOR THREE YEARS!

It’s been on going for almost two months, but the call for entries will be closing at the end of June (yowza!), so you better get to steppin’ two and a half weeks!

Check the rules here for submission guidelines and a click here for categories explanations and to submit!

I will probably be entering myself.

I’ve been secretly transcribing my brother Adam B. for several months now, using NaturallySpeaking. He does a lot of mumbling at his desk and violent threatening and I’ve been trying to build a civil suit against him for bodily harm, psychological damages, and endangerment.

Here are some transcribed samples caught from the microphone I have hidden on his desk:

• “When I’m talking to a speech solution I am nude or I am nothing”
• “Listen buddy if you’re looking for a fight I’ve got a five on-premise deployments for you right here”
• “Oh that That’s just my afternoon gin app It’s hosted”
• “The real future of speech is in silence” —-this my brother Adam B. said to me when I asked for his views for my 2009 prediction feature. He slammed my head into the copier about five seconds later adding, “I also predict that there’s a concussion in your future!” but he screamed this really loud and distordedly so that it was transcribed as “Pie dictates conclusions for future.“

I’m thinking of filing this under “legal.” What do you guys think?