Blogging has been sporadic this week; we’re closing the May issue in a few days so we’re completely slammed.

I’m finishing a feature on localization and translation for speech systems. As part of my research, I spoke with somebody about the Men’s Wearhouse IVR.

In the interests of good journalism, I pulled a list of phone numbers from the Men’s Wearhouse Web site because I wanted to listen to the Spanish language IVR. Online Shopping Customer Relations, Store Relations, Perfect Fit Program. I figured they’d all route me into an automated contact center.

Except every phone number I dialed, I got a customer service representative. I hung up after calling the first two numbers, then felt bad (these people are human after all) and apologetically told the last three reps that I’d mis-dialed.

I called the number for the store locater, certain I’d get some directory assistance application. Instead, I got a guy named Tony. “Ah,” I said. “Wrong number.”

I dialed customer relations again and a rep answered. “This is an odd request,” I said. “But can you route me to your IVR?”

“The what?”

“The interactive voice resp–the little robot contact center thingy?”

“Uh. Let me transfer you to another representative.”

The other representative answered immediately.

“I’m trying to reach your automated contact center,” I said. “Do you guys have one?”

“But, ah…why. Why would you want to do that?”

“That’s a really good question,” I said. “I just want to hear the prompts I guess.”

“The what?”

“The…I just want to hear the way it’s worded.”

“Let me transfer you to somebody in telecommunications.”

My journey ended in someone’s answering machine.

So I basically spent thirty minutes on the phone talking to real people in an effort to access a speech IVR.

I think I need a vacation.